February

Fresh February - Finding a New Version of Phoebe

                 I find myself still struggling with retirement, as silly as that sounds.

I am ashamed of myself for feeling so pitiful, guilty and lost. I understand what a privilege this is! Many people my age don’t make it to retirement or have several years of working to do for a multitude of reasons. I am so concerned about “wasting it” that I am “WASTING IT!”

Dan keeps saying “relax, you worked hard your whole life and you deserve to rest”.

 Well, “rest/doing nothing” feels lazy and wasteful to me, but I continue to let myself hide.

I miss my trainer.                                                                                

I miss my job.

I miss my customers.

   I miss my energy and fierceness.

I find myself playing the dangerous “wishing game again”.  Spending so much time looking back in this fashion, derails moving forward for me.  Today and tomorrow needs to be my focus.

I wish I still had my trainer several days a week. I wish I had a workout partner like her, very experienced, smart, determined, driven, same goals and my age to workout with.

I wish I had portions of my business again.

I wish I was feeling powerful, masterful and balanced in this body, like a year ago.

Fresh month, Fresh Start…I have this beautiful opportunity and the time to take the best care of myself, create new routines, schedules and experiences.  I have had new “work” goals for a long time, but have been scared to pull the trigger.

Well, I am DECIDING to get to work…I am DECIDING to quit making excuses, feeling pitiful and being lazy/stuck.

I am done hiding; this hit me today during my workout.

Let’s talk about the things I “miss”. Those are things I “want” in my life, right?

Well, I AM the woman who can guide me, push me, challenge me, is my age and possesses my level of drive in the gym!

I have a business! I AM still a business owner… PHOEBE GETS FIT is real. The coaching is so rewarding and it is time to add. I have a book that needs editing so I can see if it should be published someday. I AM WORKING, if I apply myself.

I AM building new friendships to fill the lack of interaction with the public and my community.

 I could fire up my old business FB and invite people to walk with me, contact me etc. I AM ABLE to fill this void.

I miss the power, energy and balance of a lean, fit body!! OMG Guess what?

 I AM THE WOMAN TO FIX THIS!  All the “missing” things, I AM ABLE to implement scenarios in my life to accomplish every single thing.

All the things I can identify that are keeping me stuck are MY RESPONSIBILTY!

IT IS ME keeping ME down, sad, lazy and confused.

I am learning this lesson AGAIN, on another level, in a different ways.

Fear is such a waste of energy, TRYING & MOVING is the remedy!

I am “feeling” some clarity, relief and hope this morning.

Yes, I am grieving a very active, vibrant, fast paced career, that gave me an identity to show the world. Going through this process is no reason to quit on so many things I need and want in my life. I choose pride and progress instead. Step by Step I am going to move forward.

                                I know what I am capable of, but I let that go for a bit.

I am actively reworking my time, my commitments and my view of myself.

I have the keys, I have the power, I have the experience, I have the drive, I have the ability to push and challenge myself.

    SO, the decision is simple. I have to get out of MY way!

I hope you can realize for yourself that all the excuses, all the losses, all the emotional pain, all the doubt, shame and self-sabotage is YOU!

                                            YOU are responsible for you!

            YOU have the ability to change yourself, your situation, your attitude!

    YOU have the power inside to heal and move forward, just like me.

         Where we are today is a moment in time, you do not need to stay here.

Get up and try! Get up and focus on yourself, your needs, your desires…. YOUR LIFE!

If you need support and help, find it, use it and get moving. I needed help, I found it, used it and benefited greatly!

I am moving forward with ME this month. I am getting back to my solitary workouts, my walks that were both key to losing 150 lbs and changing my life. I am continuing with all the fabulous yoga experiences and meditation. I will also keep showing up for new friendships, gatherings and exercise sessions.

The new practices will be flexible block scheduling for my days to write, plan, rest, enjoy relationships, fun and health.

But for now, I am accessing all the “women” I carry inside to support me in this crazy retirement transition.

                                Choose You!

         You are deserving of grand health and joy.

                   Sending you hope and love

                                      p